My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
