her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
