You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
