She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
