Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
