The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize