He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
