I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
