He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
