hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
