4 words: hood of his car
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
