come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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