Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
