I need to stop coming to work sober
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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