Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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