u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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