You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
