Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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