Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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