So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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