a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
