we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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