No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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