She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
