You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
