Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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