You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
