So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
