Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
