hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
