Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
