We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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