I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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