I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
