im gay
i know
yea but for you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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