She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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