it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
