i need an iv and a liver transplant
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
