I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
