i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
