I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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