Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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