Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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