He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
