Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
