and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
