Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
