Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
