Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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