Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
