The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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