I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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