did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
