she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
