So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize