yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
