After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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