The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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