we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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