i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
