I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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