Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
