his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
