I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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