im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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