I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
