I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
