She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have tasted many bathrooms
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
