I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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