There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
