my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
