I smell stomach acid.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize