So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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